Letter to Lyn

I woke up in a panic today, because I keep hearing rumors that they’re going to enforce a lockdown soon, and we may not be able to leave our homes.

Good morning my dear!

Since you are safely inoculated from the evils of the world outside, I thought I’d share a tale from the apocalypse. I woke up in a panic today, because I keep hearing rumors that the government is going to enforce a lockdown soon, and we may not be able to leave our homes. Since I am running very low on toilet paper, and I’m pretty picky about the type that I get, I was terrified that I would run out.

I got up very early because I heard that Stop & Shop restocks in the morning, so I ran out before I even had my coffee, only to find that the TP aisle was completely cleaned out. Needless to say, I almost had a meltdown in the store, but tried to control myself. The woman who works at the self-check area was so nice and brought me over to see the manager.

“He took pity on me, and gave me a measly little four- pack of Scott one-ply tissue. I was very grateful and thanked him profusely.”

But when I got home, I realized that this toilet paper was only one step above using my hands! After having my coffee, I looked online for toilet paper and it’s crazy! I would’ve bought stock in Quilted Northern if I had known. I called Target, and the employee who answered said they had some, so I grabbed my stuff and ran out the door like a crazy woman. I rushed through the aisles trying to avoid all the other frantic people, and there it was, just waiting for me: a huge 12-pack of my favorite TP.

I almost cried with joy and was hugging it as if it were the last soul on earth. Since the store only allows you to buy one pack per customer, I vowed to return the next day. The end.